I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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