he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
