i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
where does the pee come out of this thing
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
