The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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