I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
