It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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