Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
