I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
