Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
