What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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