Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
