Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
