dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize