I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
