I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
