Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
