4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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