I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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