dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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