wrigley field is MILF paradise
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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