This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
