Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
