cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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