My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
