with your own penis?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
