If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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