He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize