I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
