In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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