Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize