That's when you crack a 10am beer
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
