You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
