I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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