the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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