i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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