I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
So. Much. Porn.
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