My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
