I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize