Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
