The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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