he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize