im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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