Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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