Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
