first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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