why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
