Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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