Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
