she woke up with a sticky ear
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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