So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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