I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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