if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
