bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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