So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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