Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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