Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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