Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
