I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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