Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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