I feel like I'm in dance class right now
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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