I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
