Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize