tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
