I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
