when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
