Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
