can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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