Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
