just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
