the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
