You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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