I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
