I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
