everyone is single if you try hard enough
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
