fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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