My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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