Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
